Frustrations and excitements

                              

                                                  

So the journey continues! Finding the balance in life is always a challenge but even more so when I feel whiplashed at times between the frustration and the excitement.
Let me tell you about the frustration first as it seems to be taking on a bigger roll in my life these days. Despite the assumptions of everyone, including the medical professionals, my weight loss has not helped with the hip pain ... At All ! In fact it continues to get worse, more consistent throughout the day verses just certain times of day. Actually not only has it not gotten better with the weight loss , it gets worse by the day. What originally was sporadic shooting pain and pain making it difficult to sleep at night has over time turned into pretty much constant pain.
Anyway, seeing as how I have taken the advice I received from the hip surgeon, had the sleeve surgery and am losing weight at a faster pace then before I went ahead and scheduled another appointment with the hip surgeon. 
(SIDE NOTE: I have to confess as I am writing this I am becoming emotional, which again tells me how hard/ challenging this issue is for me... UGH!)
 I saw the hip surgeon on Friday and  well it was not what I wanted to hear or experience. Don't get me wrong the Doctor is a very kind man and excellent doctor, he just did not have the news I wanted to hear and when I tried to advocate for myself to be evaluated based on my history and not "statistics" there was no flexibility at all. SO bottom line is this... he absolutely will not do the surgery unless I at a BMI at 40% or less. (This is his hard line for all. BMI is a number based on height / weight ratio - or something like that! LOL) Once he calculated my numbers he said I have approximately 60 more pounds to loose. Now while I know that it is going to happen I am concerned about the timeline. I am concerned for many reasons, including insurance and share of cost , but mostly the amount of time I will continue to struggle with the constant pain.
I struggle with  talking about this because I do not like putting  energy or thoughts into the pain as it is such a negative part of my life.  I  want to focus on the positive. If I am being honest I also feel vulnerable due to the pain; it creates limitations I don't like and as I have talked about in other post I am not fond of feeling vulnerable at all.  However, that being said it is a part of my life and as you all know a part of me writing about this at all is to be honest and to be open for accountability and understanding.
So after the appointment and discussing options with the doctor it seems a cortisone shot in the hip might help with the pain and as much as I do not want to do it I feel like it is worth the pain of the shot if it will give me some relief for any amount of time. I also am going to schedule to see another surgeon to see if there is any flexibility.
Don't these people understand I am a Medical Unicorn? LOL



On the flip side, after the hip appointment I went upstairs to the bariatric doctors office to weigh in and got a new number! The girls in the office have also told me that is you are close, like within a pound or two you are allowed to round up! (They crack me up) Based on that philosophy, I am down 70 pounds. YEAH! I know it is going to slow down some at this point but it feels great so far and I will work at not being too disappointed when it slows down.
Also today I went to clothes store and was pleasantly surprised that I am in a 22/24 comfortably and I could not tell you the last time I was in that size... maybe college?
 It was nice to try on clothes and have them feel good, look good and be cute.

So I shall continue to look for the balance and march forward through the pain and focus on the excitement, knowing that this too will pass.

NUMBERS - AN EMOTIONAL RIDE

While this journey is a lot of things, and each of us has our own individual path there is one thing no one can deny that we all have in common and that is this, It is a emotional journey. So those of you who have ever struggled with any level of weight issues, be it 5 lbs or 105 lbs the emotional journey is the same, a roller coaster. It is always interesting (and annoying) to me how a few simple numbers can make or break a person's spirit. One day the numbers are down, yeah celebrate, feeling good, the sun is shining , Life is good. A day, two days maybe a week later, the numbers are up, the internal critic starts in with all the usual degrading messages, the day seems bleak, sadness or melancholy sets in, ALL effort is for naught.

I know many of you know exactly what I am talking about but indulge me while I share my experience today or more accurately, my process.

First please excuse my writing/grammar as I continue, and fasten your seatbelts because I am going to share what was going on in my mind today (It is scary , you have been warned).

So I had a appointment with NVSA (North Valley Surgical Associates) and as usual I am feeling pretty good, looking forward to seeing all the beautiful, kind smiling faces in the office. Of course the first thing we do is go to the scale (insert daunting music here). So the lovely woman weighing me of course has no reaction she just writes down a number. We go to a room and I ask, because I did not catch where it landed between the teetering two numbers, she tells me and I say so what does that make the total? (NOW.. quick little detour here , I had a Doctors appointment with my primary care Doctor just about a week ago and so I had the number 59 in my mind from that appointment , ok back to today.)

So she tells me 56lbs down ....

So the 15 or so steps from the scale to the room, the following went through my mind...

- 56 lbs? WHAT? How can that be ?

-They told me just last week a number and the total was 59lbs!?

- What did I do to gain 3lbs in a week?

-Maybe the scales are just off a little, I am sure each scale is different

-Of course the scales are different, one is the standard classic weigh balanced scale the other is digital, so it must be that...

-Why is it not down any in a week?

-What have I done "wrong" ?

-Maybe it is the heat, I do retain more water in this level of heat?

-I need to be exercising

-I am a failure

-I will never get this weight off

-Why bother?

                                                 -Who am I fooling?

WOW, YES all those thoughts in a short 15 steps to the room. Thankfully those thoughts temporarily subsided while I had a pleasant conversation with Kristin about many things far more interesting than my "numbers" dilemma . As I was leaving I got loaded up with samples and even got 2 tasty treats to try before purchasing anything. Not only that but two other gifts, a protein drink shaker and a reusable grocery bag to carry my stuff home in, I love this place! So my mind has a brief respite from the crazy I submit myself to over simple small numbers, however as soon as I leave and get to my car...  it is back on.

I get in my car to drive home and the negative, self deprecating messages resume and are quickly followed by those thoughts  that tell me "screw it, might as well just get a real milkshake and forget about the stupid protein shakes". (You are all nodding your head right now aren't you?!)

Thankfully I have been on this journey long enough I recognize this particular ride and I remind myself it is just a rollercoaster and I can get off, so I do. My turn around time with this process has gotten much shorter. Yes, I still engage in the crazy, but I snap out of it quicker now and as time goes on each time the turnaround gets a little faster and the whole process a little less intense.

So for the record, I did not get a real milkshake and of course went home and had a protein shake. I also stopped and put into perspective the whole numbers issue... 56lbs in three months is nothing to be ashamed of and trying to figure out why the two numbers were different , higher, lower whatever is missing the big picture and minimizing a more important fact...

I AM DOWN (according to the NVSA scale, LOL) FIFTY SIX POUNDS IN THREE MONTHS!

So I am choosing now to focus on the things I need to do differently and the fact that I am heading in the right direction with the help of some amazing people and support from amazing friends and family. I am Blessed!

SO to wrap it up, PLEASE if you have ever gotten all crazy over your numbers, let this be a reminder to you that we all do it and it is nonsense, you are not alone and there is no shame is sharing your process with other, in fact it is liberating and it puts in place some great accountability and support. Please be kind to yourself AND if you are one of the few who has not ever dealt with this struggle you definitely know someone who has, so hopefully now you understand a little better just how cruel we actually are to ourselves, how much we torture ourselves, so please be patient and love us through it.

Just want to Thank all my Friends, Family and Medical team for all the patience and support.

Please let me know you visited and share your story with me or ask any questions, Thanks.

Adjustments

As I sit here thinking about how quickly things can, and often do, change it makes me appreciate each moment because it is likely to different as I move to the next moment. This journey is nothing if not a constant learning experience. What is interesting to me is how those around me react / respond to the changes that are happening on my journey.
I have learn that with every change  I have to adjust to , there is a equal adjustment that has to be made for those in my life. So as things shift, change and rearrange I continue to try and explain what is going on for those who are either curious or concerned. It is important to me that people feel comfortable asking questions so they do not have to guess or wonder what it is like, what to do or say, or how to respond etc.

Some  interesting things that have been happening  are the variety of reactions to my quick weight loss. It has been different than in the past several years because my weight loss prior to the sleeve surgery was so slow,  people had time to adjust to my physical changes slowly. It really wasn't until the skin removal surgery that others really commented.  Now with the sleeve the weight is coming off much faster and people are noticing and the reactions have been so varied and interesting.
Some have come to me with great concern, "Is this healthy?" , "Are you o.k.?", "Is it normal to loose so much so quickly?", "Do you think you are loosing too much too quick?". So some  just do not understand and others actually have judgments based on their belief that it is not a healthy/natural way to manage weight issues. There is an occasional jealous remark, in jest of course but we know what they say about jest, "There is truth in Jest". There are those who spent the majority of our social interactions around food, going out to eat and such, so now that we are not eating together they do not know exactly how to connect or spend time with me.
So everyone around me has their own path/ journey to face if they choose to come along with me on this crazy trip. Some have chosen to stumble along side of me others to step back and withdrawal . The last choice is always confusing to me but it is one some choose.
I primarily wanted to bring this up so that anyone reading this can know I am totally O.K. with and and all questions. If you are curious about taking me along with the gang to brunch or lunch or a night out, just ask, we will figure it out together and learn the layout of the new ground together. I too am figuring out how to adjust to the changes and if there is anything I know it is there is no one answer to any situation.
So bring on the changes and let the adjusting begin!

Two Month Follow Up

HI, everyone and Happy Fourth Of July! I hope that you are all Celebrating all the great things you have in your life including your Independence.
So I wanted to let everyone know where I am at and what has been happening. So it has been just over 2 months since I had the surgery and so far everything has been going great. I made it through the liquid part just fine, no issues. Then did the "puree" stage, which took a little getting use to, mostly because there are not that many foods that are pureed or that you can imagine being pureed, so that stage took a lot more effort to commit to and to be creative with. Those of you who know me well know that when it comes to creativity and food I have ZERO skills! That being said I of course figured it out with a little help from my friends! I stuck to mostly soups and chili pureed, Thank goodness for a variety of soup and friends who brought me some!
SO my current food stage and the longest one until no limitations, I am in the soft food stage. So this is much easier because basically if it is soft I can eat it. So no raw veggies, no crunchy/sharp foods, which are usually not great for you anyway, you know those carbs...... Chips, crackers, pretzels etc....
SO I am settling in comfortably with the soft foods. I have eaten out a couple times and it was fine. It actually was nice because I am taking in so little I can just eat off my friends plates! hehehehe
So I have been learning to adjust to my new stomach, and while I have not had any of the issues many other have I am trying to figure out the sweet spot with portion size. I have done pretty good but am learning that some foods are more dense than others so they fill me up faster and some foods sustain me longer than others, so it is really about me learning / educating myself by listening to my body. It is interesting to me that 99% of the time it comes back to listening to our bodies. So I am listening, figuring out I need to slow down my eating and drinking. I have been full a couple times and it happens fast so I am working on slowing down. I have never once been hungry , but as we all know that doesn't mean cravings and urges go away because they are almost always emotional. So I also continue to pay attention to cravings and asking what am I trying to avoid? What am I stressed about?  Or why am I needing nurturing or comfort ?
All the things we use food for that really isn't it's job!
So all in all things with the surgery and my process has been great, my 2 month appointment I did weigh in and well..... I am a unicorn! Drum Roll please.........................


YUP , I am down 46 Pounds. I am sure it is going to slow down but what a great start! I can not wait until I can actually start exercising.
Speaking of exercise, as I have mentioned in previous entries I have not been able to exercise due to my Hip pain. I am pursuing information on when I will be able to get the hip replaced, as it is just getting worse, so my hope is I can get it done soon. So I would like to request that whatever it is you do when you are requesting the assistance of your higher power, prayer, meditation, mantra, request to universe, sing, dance use your jazz hands! Whatever you do Please send me your positive thoughts , and prayers and energy, as I am really needing to get this hip replaced as soon as possible, it is quickly becoming unbearable. So Thank You for your support and positive thoughts, I appreciate them all!
I will let you know how things are going..... If you have any questions feel free to ask and please leave a comment just simply letting me know you were here. Thanks Again!


With Love and Appreciation , Kathryn

PAIN.............. As I move along this journey I continue to learn all the time. I have recently learned that much of my experience with my weight journey is really no different from others journeys. Life lessons are life lessons no matter the vehicle (situation) from which we are learning the lessons.
I also believe Life will continue to give us situations to learn from until we "Get it".

SO first let me tell you that I am doing well as far as the Sleeve surgery is concerned. I have not had any problems. I survived the puree stage and am now in the soft food stage for the next few months and all is well. NO issues at all, other then readjusting my mind or more specifically my eye sight! LOL What I mean by that is there is a certain amount of adjusting to what is enough food and what looks like enough food! Anyway, it is working out and that is not what I want to talk about today.
I do have a follow up next week so I will give you more information and some numbers.

Today what is on my mind is pain. Physical pain. I know many people live with chronic pain. I do not know how people do it. I start to feel crazy, like I am losing my mind. I know I have talked about this before but having experienced a time with less pain and now moving back to that constant and unbearable pain it has me thinking. First of all those of you who know me well know I have a very high tolerance for pain and actually go through most days without ever speaking of or expressing anything regarding pain.  Many never know I am even in pain until they pay attention to how I move through the world.
Anyway, the last two days have been horrible. The constant pain on top of added pain making the pain totally unbearable has caused me to miss work and miss sleep and these things add up to me being a cranky  melancholy shell of myself.
I have talked about vulnerability in the past ,and yet here I sit again with this lesson before me still. This is a little different but alas the same. I am so resistant and flat out horrible at being vulnerable.
The last few days I have wanted to do nothing but lock the doors , shut the windows, turn off the phone and cry, yell and break things. One would think by now I would have learned to reach out to all the support I have and allow others to be supportive and encouraging, but stubborn as I am I don't. So I am writing about this because this is how I hold myself accountable while also reaching out. I also want others to know it is OK to be vulnerable, in fact it is the bravest thing you can do according to some. I know when I feel alone it is only my fault because I have some of the best support and love around me in the form of not only family and friends but also a awesome medical team.

SO ......... today I pick myself up and get back on the grateful train and I will speak with the medical professionals in my life and see what I can do about this pain until I am able to get the more permanent solution done. OH... If you are new to my blog, I should explain.... Short version, I have to have a Hip replacement and the physical pain I speak of is from my hip.
So thanks for stopping by and Please do not torture yourself and put yourself through the pain of feeling alone and frustrated out of fear of being vulnerable, reach out to those who love you and want to support you. Also there is a difference from being a complainer and needing  occasional extra support. That is another thing I do to myself... judge myself for having the pain and criticize myself IF I think about talking about my pain out loud! Sometimes I am ridiculous!

I am grateful and I will get through this like all things and hopefully I will learn this lesson so I can move on!
Please feel free to leave questions and comments. You can do it here, when it ask you to sign in just do it anonymously, (but leave name in the body so I know who is writing)
THANKS

POST-OP UPDATE

So I am 26 days "Post-Op" and all is well. I am happy to report everything went well, no problems, no issues, no surprises. I was up and walking laps around the nurses station a couple hours after getting to my room. The nursing staff were great, very supportive and encouraging the whole time. So the first 10 days post-op was liquid diet just like the 10 days prior to surgery. The total 20 of liquid diet was not nearly as bad as it sounds or you might imagine. I will say I think I have a slight advantage in that I have done a similar diet before and so I really knew what to expect and how to do it.
I am now at the Puree' stage of the process which I have to be honest, much harder for me. I almost would prefer to continue with just liquid, (truth be told I did for a few days continue with the liquid) however I realized part of this process is getting my "sleeve " of a stomach use to doing it's job at it's new size and to give it time to heal as well. SO..... I started the puree' food, which is just weird. Luckily I am blessed with good friends and support around me and I had a friend who brought me several freezer bags full of puree' soup. That was helpful as I did not have to think too much about it for a while! Then I started to get the hang of it and it is all good now. I have figured out this puree part of the journey but can honestly say I am looking forward to the next stage, mostly because as some of you know........ I sort of have a thing about texture! LOL Puree foods have weird textures , you would think they would all be the same but they aren't! So anything I can put in my magic bullet I will try. Enough about puree food, however if you have ideas please do share and if you ever break your jaw and have to have it wired shut I can share my ideas with you! LOL
So the physical part has been smooth as well. NO pain, well at least none related to the surgery, still dealing with the hip. Best part of all this has been actually getting some SLEEP. It has made me realize just how sleep deprived I have been. After a few days of real uninterrupted sleep I felt like a new person. I think I had underestimated just how sleep deprived I was. I feel like my mind is clearer, I am not as spacey or foggy. I am not as irritable so quickly , I feel so refreshed and rested. So I took 2 weeks off from work, which was fine.  I agreed that if I got tired during the day I would go home early, I a stuck to that agreement. I have had no indigestion or stomach related issues or pain. I do have to be careful of lifting heavy things, but that has been fine. SO..... all is well.
So I wanted to fill you all in on my status and also take this opportunity to once again thank everyone for all the love, and support as I take on this stage of my journey. I could not have done it without your financial and emotional support. The help with food, errands, rides to and fro, all of it. My friends and family I could never ever fully express my gratitude for all of you, please know I love and appreciate you all.

REMEMBER IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS AND/OR COMMENTS PLEASE LEAVE THEM, YOU CAN JUST DO IT ANONYMOUSLY AND NOT OPEN ACCOUNT, BUT LEAVE NAME IN POST FOR ME. THANKS

Pre-Op Triggers and Tribulations

So what an interesting week it has been. So many things, liquid diet, appointments , triggers, all steps moving forward. So where to begin…. How about the liquid diet. So 10 days prior to surgery you have to be on a all liquid diet. For most this is a big adjustment, but I have done this before when I did my jump start program a few years back , plus those of you who know me I would always choose a drink over eating anyway, NO I am not talking a alcoholic drink! If I could all my nutrition from drinks I would….. I am not a fan of grocery shopping, cooking any of that process, so give me a protein drink any day. SO I was not concerned at all about this 10 days….. HOWEVER…. What was interesting is it has been sometime since I have had to have serious restrictions that led me into needing to  pay attention to my process and eating triggers. SO I was doing great not hungry , no desire to “chew” I was sailing….. And then the stress began to escalate.
Those of you who may not know I am a Social Worker by trade so this obviously means I deal with a lot of tragic situations, Domestic Violence, Substance Abuse all that stuff most of us try to avoid dealing with because it is so difficult and out right ugly.
Anyway, I was dealing with a unusually stressful emergent complex situation, which I do regularly, but not regularly while on a liquid diet! You all see where this is going……….. LOL! So I was sailing along then this hits…….. At days end I am walking to my car to head home and all I could think was “I WANT A CHEESEBURGER!” …..
”I NEED A CHEESEBURGER!”
No sooner than having that thought my next thought was …..
 “AND there it is !”
It is not the food, it is the need for comfort after a stressful situation and food was the comfort. So I was extremely grateful for the emotional work I have already done and the awareness of my process that is already in place as I tackle this next step in my journey because without it I think… I know , I would have had a cheeseburger!

After tackling the almighty Cheeseburger trigger I was back on track and sailing again…….. Or so I thought.
Next trigger really did not trigger a food issue for me but in the past it would have lead to Ben and Jerry’s for sure, but this time it was just interesting to observe my process and see how sensitive I still am after all these years in regards to certain topics.
I was meeting with the Doctor for my Pre-Op appointment to go over everything including all the previous test and lab work that had been done. SO as I was signing all the “If you die it’s not our fault” paperwork and one of the papers had a statement that just pushed all my buttons. I am not going to get it exact but it basically was a statement that something along these lines…. “I have been unsuccessful in losing weight (or managing my obesity) and I am seeking the help of the Doctor…..

WHAT!!???!?!?!?! I was so upset… I was again in my defense mode…. It was a emotional trigger that has been a big one for me directly related to this surgery. Seeing that statement “I have been unsuccessful…. “ just crushed me to read and hurt to have to sign a paper acknowledging that, because I have NOT been unsuccessful . I have been extremely successful. I am down somewhere in the ball park of 200LBS and while it has taken me over 7 years I have gone in the right direction all these years AND until I started having hip issues which prevented me from working out I was doing it, I was SUCCESSFUL !
So that was an interesting trigger…. Paperwork who knew! LOL Anyway, again I talked myself down and all it took was actually being honest and sharing my feelings with someone who validated my hard work and journey and yes my success.
Whew… made it through that one too!

The last one (this week) for me does not relate to weight or food, but I am sure it does for others. For me it is a larger picture about our culture and how it still views single people as second class citizens, an after thought. I know this is not intentional on anyone’s part so let me start with that… again for me it is a fact about how deeply ingrained some of our ideals are in our culture.
So as the Doctor is literally giving me the last blow by blow list of what is going to happen the conversation goes like this………..
“So the surgery takes about a hour, when it is done I will go out and talk to your family in the waiting room and then after about a hour in recovery you will go to a room and then your family will be able to come see you………..”

My first instant reaction was sadness……. Family? What family? I have no husband/partner, no kids……… There won’t be anyone in the waiting room for me.  AS he was saying it I just felt a wave of sadness, this is one of those times, one of the very rare times, I actually felt sad about being single. After I rode that wave for a brief moment I snapped out of it and thought about how many people have been supporting me, financially, emotionally, physically. I have been blessed with so many loving and kind friends that I often am overwhelmed by the love and support. I reminded my self of the Go fund me and how many jumped in to help despite their own needs. I reminded myself of my friend who is on vacation and of technology but before leaving made a point to let me know he will be thinking of me as I am in surgery! I mean how sweet and loving is that! SO I KNOW I am not alone and I also know “Family” are those who are there for you when you need them and that being said…. I have a huge family and am blessed.

So I will end on that note and save some for another time…….
Focus on your Blessings not your deficits !
I AM BLESSED!

P.S. Thank You to all who have helped with the go fund me. I still have some expenses not covered my insurance, but getting closer to getting it all covered everyday. Thanks again. Check out the Success

https://www.gofundme.com/big-blog?utm_source=internal&utm_medium=email&utm_content=cta_button&utm_campaign=upd_n

LET THE COUNT DOWN BEGIN…………

So I have a date for surgery, May 2nd ! Yup right around the corner.
I have completed and passed with flying colors all my pre-test and exams. I have just one more pre-op appointment with the Doctor and that is it! I am excited it is finally here. I have a few things left to get lined up prior to surgery but that’s just stuff I am trying to have in place to help with comfort and such.
On Friday I started the 10 day pre-op liquid diet. SO far so good. I am confident I will be fine as I have already faced and passed the ultimate temptation for me, a gathering at my Sister-in-laws house! Those of you who know my Sister - in - law  and have ever been to anything at her house, be it a birthday party or a BBQ, anything……… you know exactly what I am talking about…. SO it was my precious nieces birthday and we were just having a small family get together. Well when my Sister-in-law host anything it is as if she has a number of people she is expecting and then she adds a zero on to it and that is how much food she prepares! NO LIE… ask anyone who knows her… SO besides enormous amounts of food she is a good cook and very creative and so the food is always awesome, her party spreads are by far my most favorite of foods.
That all being said….. Saturday afternoon was this party and I had just started on Friday my 10 day liquid diet (pre-op).
Needless to say I had several conversations with myself  tht ranged from , “Oh it is one day out of 10 and it is early enough that it is no big deal , go eat be happy” to “Stay home, do not torture yourself, your not that strong”. So I had these conversations with myself back and forth and finally I thought to myself this………… “I AM STRONG, look how far I have come! Plus NOTHING is worth avoiding seeing my amazing niece and celebrating her Birthday. I promised my self I was not going to let this journey prevent me from living my life. I GOT THIS!”   SO ……… I went!
I went….. And I did not eat so much as a single M&M or bite of anything….. I conquered my Everest!
So I am confident I will do well. I am excited to get this process moving at a faster pace then it has been the past few years.

I want to again tell all of you………  I COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU!
You all know who you are. You are my financial supporters, my rides, my emotional supporters, my cheerleaders, my life line. I firmly believe I could never have done this with out all of you in my corner, so THANK YOU again.
I will forever be grateful for each and every one of you.
SO Monday May 2nd, if anyone gets bored and wants to come by and say Hello, I will be at Enloe for just one overnight and I can have visitors and if your really bored or have always had a secret wish to sleep in a hospital, just let me know because apparently I can have someone spend the night and they will bring a “chairbed” in ! LOL If anyone does…. We will spend some time talking about some bigger and better wishes to add to your list!
I will also be home bound a couple weeks so please feel free to come by my house and visit as well, I am sure I will be getting bored!
I will do an update as soon as I physically can to let you all know how I am doing.
THANKS AGAIN FOR EVERYTHING

UPDATE !

HI … So much to update! Where to start?? It has been a very busy and blessed couple months. So as most of you know I have been doing a lot of pre-op testing. I also have started a campaign to raise money for part of my surgery expenses. So I want to take a moment to update and  Thank everyone. So … Here we go.

So imagine all the medical test you can come up with….. Got it? OK Now add a few to that list….. That’s what I have been doing. SO many test, I almost thought for a while I was back in school ! Everything form blood work to two day stress test for cardiac clearance. Then more labs, then primary care annual check up and she adds more test….. OH my…. Well as reluctant and tiny bit anxious as I was, I am very very very happy to once again tell you all….. I am a Medical Unicorn! Everything is good, so good the Cardiologist suggest I go have some fun! I think he was surprised how strong my heart is even though I told him my heart was the strongest muscle I have because I use it a lot! Anyway…. It feels so great to know I continue to shock and amaze the Medical Professionals, I like proving to them all that I am Healthy despite my weight! I can pursue preventative health by taking care of myself and knowing that I do need to change some habits and other things before they become an issue but as I am right now………… I am OK, not just OK but Healthy.
So still no diabetes, no high blood pressure, no cholesterol issues,  no heart issues, all arteries clear , mammogram clear, EGD clear, good to go!
I am a Medical Unicorn! I just got a bum hip!
So that is the Medical update…. OH now they want to test me for sleep apnea, sometimes I think they feel a need to have something be an issue for me… we will see.

Anyway, Next the Go Fund Me Update!
I am completely overwhelmed and speechless at the love, encouragement and support that has happened as a result of me reaching out in this way. Those of you who know me understand my struggle with receiving and being vulnerable. If you follow this blog you know it has been a topic for me more then once! Despite my resistance to this subject,  EVERY TIME I fight my discomfort and reach out, the out pour of support floors me and reminds me just how blessed I am!
SO……. In less than 2 weeks time I have raised enough to get started!
What this means is I have enough money that I can now call and schedule my first surgery!
I am so Blessed and truly humbled by how much support I have received, I can never Thank You all enough.
So that is the update and I will let you know as things progress what is going on…. Thanks again!



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