Frustrations and excitements

                              

                                                  

So the journey continues! Finding the balance in life is always a challenge but even more so when I feel whiplashed at times between the frustration and the excitement.
Let me tell you about the frustration first as it seems to be taking on a bigger roll in my life these days. Despite the assumptions of everyone, including the medical professionals, my weight loss has not helped with the hip pain ... At All ! In fact it continues to get worse, more consistent throughout the day verses just certain times of day. Actually not only has it not gotten better with the weight loss , it gets worse by the day. What originally was sporadic shooting pain and pain making it difficult to sleep at night has over time turned into pretty much constant pain.
Anyway, seeing as how I have taken the advice I received from the hip surgeon, had the sleeve surgery and am losing weight at a faster pace then before I went ahead and scheduled another appointment with the hip surgeon. 
(SIDE NOTE: I have to confess as I am writing this I am becoming emotional, which again tells me how hard/ challenging this issue is for me... UGH!)
 I saw the hip surgeon on Friday and  well it was not what I wanted to hear or experience. Don't get me wrong the Doctor is a very kind man and excellent doctor, he just did not have the news I wanted to hear and when I tried to advocate for myself to be evaluated based on my history and not "statistics" there was no flexibility at all. SO bottom line is this... he absolutely will not do the surgery unless I at a BMI at 40% or less. (This is his hard line for all. BMI is a number based on height / weight ratio - or something like that! LOL) Once he calculated my numbers he said I have approximately 60 more pounds to loose. Now while I know that it is going to happen I am concerned about the timeline. I am concerned for many reasons, including insurance and share of cost , but mostly the amount of time I will continue to struggle with the constant pain.
I struggle with  talking about this because I do not like putting  energy or thoughts into the pain as it is such a negative part of my life.  I  want to focus on the positive. If I am being honest I also feel vulnerable due to the pain; it creates limitations I don't like and as I have talked about in other post I am not fond of feeling vulnerable at all.  However, that being said it is a part of my life and as you all know a part of me writing about this at all is to be honest and to be open for accountability and understanding.
So after the appointment and discussing options with the doctor it seems a cortisone shot in the hip might help with the pain and as much as I do not want to do it I feel like it is worth the pain of the shot if it will give me some relief for any amount of time. I also am going to schedule to see another surgeon to see if there is any flexibility.
Don't these people understand I am a Medical Unicorn? LOL



On the flip side, after the hip appointment I went upstairs to the bariatric doctors office to weigh in and got a new number! The girls in the office have also told me that is you are close, like within a pound or two you are allowed to round up! (They crack me up) Based on that philosophy, I am down 70 pounds. YEAH! I know it is going to slow down some at this point but it feels great so far and I will work at not being too disappointed when it slows down.
Also today I went to clothes store and was pleasantly surprised that I am in a 22/24 comfortably and I could not tell you the last time I was in that size... maybe college?
 It was nice to try on clothes and have them feel good, look good and be cute.

So I shall continue to look for the balance and march forward through the pain and focus on the excitement, knowing that this too will pass.