So today was "a day" after a long week that ended in what could only be identified as a Donut devastation disaster! BUT... It is what it is, and tomorrow is a new day... THAT is the saving grace!
I am not sure why we insist on beating ourselves up when we make mistakes or make poor choices, but we do. We really need to stop that.
SO this week has been a very busy and intense week with more than the usual crisis of an extreme measure at work. It is a given that you are going to deal with crisis as a Social Worker but some days/weeks are more intense than others and those are the times my old habits rear their ugly heads and challenge me to stick with new/healthier choices.... but alas occasionally the old ones win.
So on top of the work stress, my sleep has not been great this week either. Still dealing with hip pain at night waking me up, and disrupting my sleep. This combination is just a piece of chocolate cake in the making.
So about halfway through the week, I am noticing the stress creeping up and my craves rising. I was even talking them out with a friend, listing the things I was craving, chocolate cake, milkshake, etc. Even as I was talking I was hearing myself and realizing these aren't actual cravings but more my emotional band-aids or more directly put... MY OLD BEHAVIORS. It is so interesting after all these years how automatic it is to resort to old behaviors. My food cravings are not food cravings at all but comfort cravings.
So today after a very emotionally draining crisis at work (after the already rough week) on my way home I promptly went to Krispy Kream and got a donut. Yup, the old behavior won in that moment, but I knew what I was doing. I knew that while it won this time, it would not win again tomorrow.I knew that it likely would win again but not on a daily basis as in the past when it was not in my awareness but just automatic behavior! I will never again be unaware of the process and what it is I am doing. I will never again think for a second that that donut or chocolate cake will fix things or make me feel better about anything other than a brief moment. So when I do make a choice to resort to old coping behaviors I also know I am making a choice. I am not a victim, I am a result of my choices. Moving forward I will continue to work on building up my healthy behavior toolbox so I can make better choices and have more options. One choice I am constantly working on is being real and vulnerable so that others can see they are not alone and we are not all that different. We all have old behaviors and patterns in place that need work refining or improving but that is the very definition of life, right? SO onward and upwards, learning and growing as the journey continues.
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