Pre-Op Triggers and Tribulations

So what an interesting week it has been. So many things, liquid diet, appointments , triggers, all steps moving forward. So where to begin…. How about the liquid diet. So 10 days prior to surgery you have to be on a all liquid diet. For most this is a big adjustment, but I have done this before when I did my jump start program a few years back , plus those of you who know me I would always choose a drink over eating anyway, NO I am not talking a alcoholic drink! If I could all my nutrition from drinks I would….. I am not a fan of grocery shopping, cooking any of that process, so give me a protein drink any day. SO I was not concerned at all about this 10 days….. HOWEVER…. What was interesting is it has been sometime since I have had to have serious restrictions that led me into needing to  pay attention to my process and eating triggers. SO I was doing great not hungry , no desire to “chew” I was sailing….. And then the stress began to escalate.
Those of you who may not know I am a Social Worker by trade so this obviously means I deal with a lot of tragic situations, Domestic Violence, Substance Abuse all that stuff most of us try to avoid dealing with because it is so difficult and out right ugly.
Anyway, I was dealing with a unusually stressful emergent complex situation, which I do regularly, but not regularly while on a liquid diet! You all see where this is going……….. LOL! So I was sailing along then this hits…….. At days end I am walking to my car to head home and all I could think was “I WANT A CHEESEBURGER!” …..
”I NEED A CHEESEBURGER!”
No sooner than having that thought my next thought was …..
 “AND there it is !”
It is not the food, it is the need for comfort after a stressful situation and food was the comfort. So I was extremely grateful for the emotional work I have already done and the awareness of my process that is already in place as I tackle this next step in my journey because without it I think… I know , I would have had a cheeseburger!

After tackling the almighty Cheeseburger trigger I was back on track and sailing again…….. Or so I thought.
Next trigger really did not trigger a food issue for me but in the past it would have lead to Ben and Jerry’s for sure, but this time it was just interesting to observe my process and see how sensitive I still am after all these years in regards to certain topics.
I was meeting with the Doctor for my Pre-Op appointment to go over everything including all the previous test and lab work that had been done. SO as I was signing all the “If you die it’s not our fault” paperwork and one of the papers had a statement that just pushed all my buttons. I am not going to get it exact but it basically was a statement that something along these lines…. “I have been unsuccessful in losing weight (or managing my obesity) and I am seeking the help of the Doctor…..

WHAT!!???!?!?!?! I was so upset… I was again in my defense mode…. It was a emotional trigger that has been a big one for me directly related to this surgery. Seeing that statement “I have been unsuccessful…. “ just crushed me to read and hurt to have to sign a paper acknowledging that, because I have NOT been unsuccessful . I have been extremely successful. I am down somewhere in the ball park of 200LBS and while it has taken me over 7 years I have gone in the right direction all these years AND until I started having hip issues which prevented me from working out I was doing it, I was SUCCESSFUL !
So that was an interesting trigger…. Paperwork who knew! LOL Anyway, again I talked myself down and all it took was actually being honest and sharing my feelings with someone who validated my hard work and journey and yes my success.
Whew… made it through that one too!

The last one (this week) for me does not relate to weight or food, but I am sure it does for others. For me it is a larger picture about our culture and how it still views single people as second class citizens, an after thought. I know this is not intentional on anyone’s part so let me start with that… again for me it is a fact about how deeply ingrained some of our ideals are in our culture.
So as the Doctor is literally giving me the last blow by blow list of what is going to happen the conversation goes like this………..
“So the surgery takes about a hour, when it is done I will go out and talk to your family in the waiting room and then after about a hour in recovery you will go to a room and then your family will be able to come see you………..”

My first instant reaction was sadness……. Family? What family? I have no husband/partner, no kids……… There won’t be anyone in the waiting room for me.  AS he was saying it I just felt a wave of sadness, this is one of those times, one of the very rare times, I actually felt sad about being single. After I rode that wave for a brief moment I snapped out of it and thought about how many people have been supporting me, financially, emotionally, physically. I have been blessed with so many loving and kind friends that I often am overwhelmed by the love and support. I reminded my self of the Go fund me and how many jumped in to help despite their own needs. I reminded myself of my friend who is on vacation and of technology but before leaving made a point to let me know he will be thinking of me as I am in surgery! I mean how sweet and loving is that! SO I KNOW I am not alone and I also know “Family” are those who are there for you when you need them and that being said…. I have a huge family and am blessed.

So I will end on that note and save some for another time…….
Focus on your Blessings not your deficits !
I AM BLESSED!

P.S. Thank You to all who have helped with the go fund me. I still have some expenses not covered my insurance, but getting closer to getting it all covered everyday. Thanks again. Check out the Success

https://www.gofundme.com/big-blog?utm_source=internal&utm_medium=email&utm_content=cta_button&utm_campaign=upd_n