In the Arena

HI, so it has been a while since I have written, which I am learning I can contribute in part to my fear of being vulnerable or in other words being Judged or Rejected. It certainly is not because I have nothing to say or have had no new developments, it is fear. So much thought, time and energy has gone into this topic this week and hence here I am. The short version for those of you skimming this………… I AM ENOUGH !

I had several opportunities this week to be vulnerable and there were moments I allowed myself to do just that and others when I held back and sat in the fear of “going there”. So having a week full of these opportunities provided me the chance to not only observe my behavior but to compare my thoughts and feelings in both situations. What I KNOW to be true is a couple things, First many of you may be glad to know (as I was) that you will not die if you allow yourself to be vulnerable. To this day NO one has ever died from being vulnerable. I also learned that the very thing we all desire, connection, only happens in a genuine way when we are vulnerable. I also experienced something very interesting, when I made the choice to be vulnerable and put the fear behind me, not only did I feel more connected but it also freed me up to feel and experience Joy. Yup Joy… Joy of connection, Joy of being seen, Joy of feeling courageous by being vulnerable………. And JOY is what I seek.

So if all this is true, the more vulnerable I allow myself to be does it follow the greater my Joy will be? I believe so, and I look forward to proving this truth to be so.

I also have observed that being vulnerable is not required of me in every situation , with every person. It is imperative we are careful when and where we show our vulnerability. Not everyone is ready or able to hold a safe place for me to be vulnerable, so I do have to be aware and choose when and where and with whom I am vulnerable. However I also can not use that as a excuse NOT to share with those whom are able and wiling to hold a safe place for me to be vulnerable. So I am working on this issue as it continues to come up for me, so just be aware that if or when you ask me how I am …. I just might tell you. IF you ask if I need help………. I just might need you. In return if I ask you either of these things please know I mean it and am willing to hold a safe place for you to be vulnerable and you do not have to give me a polite answer, I want to connect. Teddy Roosevelt said it best…… I will leave you with his quote below, but just know….. I am jumping in the arena.