HI! Well at least I have not waited a whole year this time to write but again I have not been as diligent as I hoped to…………………..Press on. So, that past few months have been interesting, still on the roller coaster but there definitely has been a bit of a shift or two! I am actually excited about the upcoming New Year and leaving this one behind, that being said I do still have some anxiety and nervousness as well, but I will “Deal”. So my battle with being vulnerable is quickly going to be thrusted upon me to face as I have recently received some good news, but before I go into that I want to tell you about an interesting process I have been going through. As many of you know I have been talking about, researching, pondering and well ….. Fretting over the idea of excess skin removal. Several factors to “weigh” (see what I did there? LOL) So.... Do it now? Do it later? (meaning after more weight loss). As with any research I found opinions on both sides, so logically I think, “Hmmm, I probably need to get a real, live, and certified professional opinion.” O.K. So I need a consult….. More research, more time passes, because yes….. All I can imagine is the pain of being vulnerable AND with a person I do not even know??? Why would I do that? Why would I want the opinion of a person I do not even really know and who does not know me? Oh yea, it is their job! Well why would I want to discuss one of the most personal, and at times embarrassing, things ever with some one I do not know or trust? Oh yea, it’s their job? Clearly you can see I work hard at talking myself out of being vulnerable and going to those places that are not comfortable! I am good at it! However then I am reminded that this mind set is exactly how I got to be as heavy as I did. Ignoring painful and/or difficult topics and issues only creates more problems, be it an unpaid parking ticket or a weight issue. So while I know this logically....... I still procrastinated (I am such a chicken sh*t). Thankfully a dear friend of mine has been watching and discussing this process with me and bravely took it upon herself to go ahead and schedule me a consult with a plastic surgeon. Now while that sounds a bit crazy at first, I have to say it was likely the best gift ever. Since we had discussed weight issues and all the other issues surrounding the topic, (including my discomfort with being vulnerable and relying on others), I think it became clear to her I was going to have many reasons why I should wait, or I would come up with some new excuse (Like I said, I am good at it). She also knew I had spoken a lot about accountability and support, and hers this time came in the form of scheduling a consult. (Thanks Lady ) So as I continue on the Journey I am reminded of something I know well but rarely put into practice myself, to build trust you must be vulnerable. I do know this as I consider one of the greatest gifts someone can give you is their trust, yet I struggle with giving it to others. I know this is a struggle for me because it means becoming vulnerable (there’s that word again, ugh). I am also learning that when I do push through the struggle of being vulnerable good things often do come as a result. It really is not fair of me to withhold my trust, it is not doing me any good and it is not allowing others in my life to experience with me that gift. So for that I apologize, and to those who have tried and have run into the walls that I built out of fear, I truly am sorry. I am working on this and while I will not be signing up for any reality shows to air my pain and vulnerability, nor will I spill my guts or run right out and ask for help, it is in my awareness. I will continue to shift the fear of being vulnerable with the joy of feeling supported and building trusting relationships.