Frustration vs. Faith

My current status is the same as far as the hip surgery. Still waiting for the BMI to go down. What has changed in the last couple weeks is the hip pain has increased which makes life overall more challenging, harder to get around, sleep, cope with other life issues and even smile. I couldn't figure out why it was worse since I am already bone on bone why is the pain getting worse, then I realized the cortisone shot is wearing off. This is the downside to the cortisone shot, you forget how bad the pain is until it wears off! UGH.

All this makes my current heart (emotional) state one that is riding back and forth between Frustration and Faith OR Heavy and Light. I have the virtual Angel and Devil sitting on my shoulders whispering in my ears. I get frustrated but then remind myself how far I have come.
"You can do it" versus "Throw in the towel this is over".
Translation ... "Have some Ben and Jerrys, what can it hurt?" versus "Have a sugar free popsicle and do some stretches".

In relation to food and weight, it is so very clear to me after all these years that Frustration definitely plays out in the mindless eating of things that are not good for me while the Faith plays out in making healthy food choices. With this in my awareness, it ironically is still the same patterns and battles I fight, I just am aware of them now and they play out more honestly and in the light and not subconsciously with no awareness.
So like any addiction be it Drama, Alcohol or Food we really are never 100% free of it, we have stages and various depths to it but it will always be there, like a "Good friend" so I shall embrace it as such! It is a part of me, my journey and ultimately my truth.

So I sojourn on with my goal BMI in sight, Knowing the day will be here when I can get back in the pool doing my Aqua Aerobics, ride that bike and go on those hikes with no pain and look back on these days as just another part of my education.

I will try not to wait so long between entries next time. Thanks for stopping by be sure to ask any questions or leave comments.