Support

HI! Sorry first of all for the big gap in time between entries. Let me start by saying please be patient with me as I am not a writer so I may jump around a bit.... That being said I have been thinking about "Support" so many levels to this I want to cover.... I will try to have some sense of order to this.... Well when I first started this new way of thinking and looking at myself one of the things I immediately thought when I saw "the picture", which threw me into this journey, was "Why hasn't anyone said something to me?". I had to really give this some thought since I was trying to look at why and how I got where I was. Something I realized was I had subconsciously made it clear to those around me that I was "fine" and I was "comfortable" with who I was. While this was true to some degree I obviously had put up some invisible walls which told my friends "Don't go there, I am fine". I had always made little jokes about my size and really did not let it stop my life so I am sure to those around me it seemed I was aware and making my choice. I completely own this fact that I did not make it easy for anyone to question me and my health or discuss my weight , however in retrospect I wish I had not done that and I wish someone would have slapped me.

Now I do want to say I am sure some of my friends would have different views or experiences regarding this so I welcome the feedback and insight to other points of view ..... I have come to realize I have/had a sort of "reverse" body image thing going on where I really did not see myself as large as I was... I think we call that .... um... DENIAL. Anyway, I want to say to those of you who have people you love around you who seem to be in denial about their health, choices or something else dangerous in their life.... PLEASE do not be afraid to confront it in love. I know a couple people tried in subtle ways to say things but I obviously would laugh it off or make a joke... I guess I needed something more direct. For example I had one friend who every time I got myself a Super Big gulp , he would say to me "why don't you just have a piece of cake" . This was his way of telling me "at least drink a diet soda", I would laugh it off and say something like "I don't like diet soda" or something else lame! Anyway... I wish I had listened to the concern and care that was behind these comments, but I didn't. So once I realized I had set myself up to not be supported I made a effort to let people know I was trying to change and was now asking for that support and accountability. Accountability has been for me the biggest form of support and the most productive. That being said everyone has their own way of being supportive that they are comfortable with and all of them are nice because they translate the same, " I care about you and want you to be the best you can be" , That feels good and we all need to hear that in our lives no matter what it is we are dealing with. O.K. So The other thing about support I want to talk about is how many of us "obese" people feel "invisible". Now I know this is the craziest of all things because "Hello... I was huge" and you certainly could not miss seeing me yet I often felt invisible. Like most disabilities or differences people get uncomfortable and do not know how(or sometimes do not want to) deal with the difference. I can not tell you how many times I would be out and about and people would look the other way or ignore me for whatever reason..... Please know how important it is for others to know this goes on and yes it does hurt, so support can be as simple as validating someones experience. Like when I walk past one of those annoying perfume sample ladies who want to spray you as you walk in the mall..... well they would stop every woman in front of me then ignore me and approach the very next woman who came behind me.... OUCH, I am fat not invisible.... I want to smell nice too..... Or the waiter or waitress who sit a group and pretend that the fat girl is going to be o.k. sitting in the small plastic armed chair...... Really? Those are a couple silly examples of how everyday people treat you different making you feel invisible. So to be supportive it can be as simple as acknowledging the ignorance of these people or rudeness in some cases, or even standing up to people and educating them when it happens. Again please know I am not saying I felt sorry for myself , I am fat not in a wheelchair or scared or burned or something else different that makes people uncomfortable but the treatment is the same and feels bad to all of us. So....... You know prejudice is rampant and sadly "fat prejudice" is still very acceptable as the thought is "well you did it to yourself, fix it!" If only it was that simple. Not to mention those of you who are reading this know me and I am in no way your typical obese person.... Yes I am responsible but not due to binging or other typical behaviors... Anyway that is probably a different topic and I have already digressed off what I thought this topic was going to be! (LOL~sorry) O.K. I warned you at the begining of this entry I might jump around..... clearly I totally derailed from my intent to talk about support...... but it does relate I guess..... Anyway I will talk more about that later.... I guess I should change the title of this one but..... Nah! O.K. Thanks for reading,I hope maybe this may give you some insight into how I and maybe others think and feel about some things.... Thanks (man I am rambling) BYE :-)