Emotional Status

Vulnerability Update...... I could summarize this in three little words….. I AM BLESSED!

So as you may remember I did an entry a while back about my real fear, Vulnerability. The idea of relying on others, needing others, asking for help was terrifying to me, after all I am independent and strong. As if allowing others to be supportive of me some how equaled weakness….. Hmmm….. So do I believe others are weak if I am helping or being supportive… well No, so why would that be so for me? Well there were and are loads of feelings around this so if you missed previous discussions on the topic go to the archives and read more in previous entries. I want to now update you with my new and “Fresh Perspective” (Trade Marked name for my future business, not really trade marked but just saying that so ya all don‘t steal my idea! LOL) I am certainly not going to tell you that I am now able with ease to ask for help and /or support, but I will tell you I am getting much better at it and more then that I am honestly touched by all the offers of help.

The true love I have seen and felt by so many has been amazing. Not only has there been so much emotional support but several have taken time out of their days to come visit me, to load my dishwasher, buy me groceries, bring me magazines and puzzle books and other things to do to keep me busy. I have had people I am just getting to know send sweet notes to cheer me up and give me mail that is not a bill asking for money! People have taken time off from work (which translates to money folks) so that they can give me a ride to follow up appointments, which by the way is an hour from where I live. I have had people help me with wound maintenance which as everyone knows can be….. Wellllllll, gross. One particular Angel actually traveled across state lines, left her home, husband, doggies and life to stay with me after I returned from the hospital! WOW, I mean who does that? I AM BLESSED! I also really appreciated how so many people would just not take “No” for an answer.

When I would say “No thanks, I am good” or “No everything is fine” they would not accept that and instead they would just walk around until they would find something that needed to be done. I also received homemade goodies, Balloons, flowers, a package in the mail full of fun stuff, the list is honestly never ending. I could go on and on with the list of things people have done for me and the variety of ways people showed their love and ultimately all this adds up to really a life changing experience for me on more levels then I ever expected. Seeing how many people were actually willing to help, and not just give lip service like we all do sometimes, really showed me just how privileged and lucky I am to be so loved and to have so many awesome people in my life. I can never fully articulate the depths of my appreciation not only the loving help and gifts but for the life changing perspective shift I have had as a result of all this. For me to move some of the things I know in my head to move down to my heart is huge! For example Knowing I am deserving and worthy of the love, help and support is one thing but to truly accept and feel I am deserving and worthy is so much better then just knowing it!

So to ALL My Loving Angels, Thank You so much for everything, I am not only physically changed ,thanks to my hard work and Doctor, but more importantly I am forever emotionally change because of all your acts of kindness and love.