NOTE: Below is a entry I complted a while ago but I was having issues with the site so I was unable to post. So it is old but part of the process, new one coming soon.Thanks, K

2/18/2012 blog OY VEY, Postponed! SO…….. I got a call from my Doctors office letting me know my surgery date has been postponed, ugh. (FYI , new date 3-20-2012) Seems I am on the roller coaster again, been here before! So at first it felt like this whole surgery thing was happening so fast, no time to worry or fret, which I was actually grateful for. I had just enough time to get my plans in place and deal with feelings around having to ask for help and allowing people to participate in my recovery, Trusting others, being vulnerable…… You know all that stuff I love and do so well…..NOT. Anyway, dealing with all that did not allow for my mind to wonder too much about the actual surgery, it also forced me to quickly manage the uncomfortable feelings I mentioned above. But Now…….. Now I find I am having to sit with a little anxiety around what if’s……. and the simple thought of “What will it physically feel like?”, “What will I look like?”, “How will clothes fit?”, “How will it change what I can do?” I can go on and on but you get the idea. However I find I am feeling more like whatever will be will be and thus I end up back with the anxiety of trusting others with my vulnerable state of being. So now on top of facing those fears and feelings I now am looking at the “You’re deserving and worthy” issues. While I know this in my head the idea of having to ask those who have so graciously offered their help, to now rearrange their schedules due to the postponed surgery date, just feels like asking for too much. I say feels because again I “know” (and have been told by these gracious folks) that is ReDonkUlous (yes I said redonkulous!J ). Redonkulous or not feelings are what they are! So I sit with them and work on moving the “knowing” down about 12 inches to my heart so I can feel it…… It is coming along! J So I am embracing my current cocoon and looking forward to breaking out, opening my wings and setting out to soar to new and exciting places! Look out world this Butterfly is about to set itself free! Thanks to all who have been so graciously offering their help and support, it is often unfathomable to me how blessed I am.