Hi, so in the effort of working on building trust and accepting my vulnerabilities I am going to share some more information regarding my process. Some of you will already know this, some of you may have deducted this from the last entry, either way I want to make it official because in doing so it becomes a reality I have to deal with and that will allow me to work on my aversion to vulnerability as well as allow me to work on building trust with those of you reading.
I have, after much effort to stall and avoid following through, scheduled my surgery.
Yes it is scheduled for February 21st, Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I had NO idea when I went for my consultation that once the approval came through I would have 90 days to get it done! I guess I was hoping I could continue to talk about it and put it off a while longer, but no such luck!
O.K. So now that I have a date the interesting thing is I have gone into super planner / preparer mode. Those of you, who know me well, know that I am not a planner by nature, yet my first reaction was to get planning. So again I ask myself “What’s that about?”
Having never had any surgery, never been in a hospital other then to visit others, (except once at 5 yr.s old to get a cast put on) I thought I would be more concerned about the actual surgery. The couple people I told about it went right to the anxiety about surgery or perhaps fear, but I could not stop thinking about how I was going to manage after, the recovery. So what I realized (yet again) was this was on my mind because this was the part where I would have to ASK for and Allow others to help me out!
WHAT?!
NOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo that means being vulnerable, I thought I was handling that by going and talking to a Doctor and scheduling the surgery….. Now I have to ask others in my life for assistance! WOW, I know this keeps coming up but I had no idea how hard it was going to be to address vulnerability with those I love and care about…….. Now I would have guessed it would be more challenging to face being vulnerable with those I do not know, the Doctors, nurses and other professionals.
Regardless of whom it is the theme of accepting my vulnerabilities and allowing others to assist is not going away so I press on and work on the acceptance. No use in fighting it and frankly when I take, what seems to me to be a huge risk, I continue to experience the warm loving feeling of real support.
So I continue to accept my vulnerabilities and welcome the chance to grow more and more comfortable with receiving help. Thank You to all of you who have not taken my behavior personal and still remain supportive and loving offering your help in a multitude of ways. I do truly appreciate it more then I can ever express.
So please send me positive thoughts on February 21st!
Thanks, Kathryn
Hi, so in the effort of working on building trust and accepting my vulnerabilities I am going to share some more information regarding my process. Some of you will already know this, some of you may have deducted this from the last entry, either way I want to make it official because in doing so it becomes a reality I have to deal with and that will allow me to work on my aversion to vulnerability as well as allow me to work on building trust with those of you reading.
I have, after much effort to stall and avoid following through, scheduled my surgery. 
Yes it is scheduled for February 21st, Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I had NO idea when I went for my consultation that once the approval came through I would have 90 days to get it done! I guess I was hoping I could continue to talk about it and put it off a while longer, but no such luck! 
O.K. So now that I have a date the interesting thing is I have gone into super planner / preparer mode. Those of you, who know me well, know that I am not a planner by nature, yet my first reaction was to get planning. So again I ask myself “What’s that about?”
Having never had any surgery, never been in a hospital other then to visit others, (except once at 5 yr.s old to get a cast put on) I thought I would be more concerned about the actual surgery. The couple people I told about it went right to the anxiety about surgery or perhaps fear, but I could not stop thinking about how I was going to manage after, the recovery. So what I realized (yet again) was this was on my mind because this was the part where I would have to ASK for and Allow others to help me out!
WHAT?! 
NOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo that means being vulnerable, I thought I was handling that by going and talking to a Doctor and scheduling the surgery….. Now I have to ask others in my life for assistance! WOW, I know this keeps coming up but I had no idea how hard it was going to be to address vulnerability with those I love and care about…….. Now I would have guessed it would be more challenging to face being vulnerable with those I do not know, the Doctors, nurses and other professionals.
Regardless of whom it is the theme of accepting my vulnerabilities and allowing others to assist is not going away so I press on and work on the acceptance. No use in fighting it and frankly when I take, what seems to me to be a huge risk, I continue to experience the warm loving feeling of real support. 
So I continue to accept my vulnerabilities and welcome the chance to grow more and more comfortable with receiving help. Thank You to all of you who have not taken my behavior personal and still remain supportive and loving offering your help in a multitude of ways. I do truly appreciate it more then I can ever express.
So please send me positive thoughts on February 21st!
Thanks, Kathryn
Rock on Kathy! I will be sending you positive vibes on Feb. 21st...Alison (your former PEN office buddy)
ReplyDeleteAdd me to the list of those who will be sending healing thoughts on Feburary 21.
ReplyDeleteKathy, you have so much love around you! I know you will do GREAT! xoxo, Sharidan.
ReplyDelete