Joy Wins !

Just last week I was sharing some frustrations in my update and even said "pain from my hip is winning over the joy of the success".  Well this week the Joy has won!
Some of the details I left out previously is I am now also working on a shoulder injury and I did see a second Orthopedic surgeon for that and for a second opinion on the hip, but I digress. I want to focus today on the joy that happened and I mention the second injury because the Joy is a direct result of that injury and my physical therapy for it.
So after being worked on by my Physical therapist , who is amazing by the way, she set me up to do some exercises on the equipment there. So I am introduced to the TRX, I have seen this contraption before but never imagined I could do anything with it. So she shows me what to do with this and inside my head I am thinking..."Seriously... do you see who you are talking to??" then as she continues to explain which muscles I should be focusing on and how to properly use them she also explains to me one of the things about this TRX is you are using it with  your own body weight..."again inside my head I am thinking to myself.... SERIOUSLY... you know my weight! Is this a good idea?".
Despite my hesitation I have complete trust and faith in my PT so I do it.  (seriously she rocks, if you need a PT let me know I will tell you where to find her!)
Anyway,  NO it was not easy, but I did my 3 sets of ten, not much but baby steps right.
SO fast forward to the next day.......... OMG I did not think I was going to be able to lift my toothbrush let alone anything else, I was so sore. My first thought was oh man I hope I did not over do it, then as I was taking note of what my body was feeling I realized something.
 The thing  I noticed is what brought me such Joy this week.
Taking stock of my body  I realized what I was feeling was "SORE"!
OK I get it you are like Duh, of course you were sore....
Let me say it again and see if you get it.... I was SORE..... 
For most this would not seem like a big difference but for me it is huge, I was sore, NOT in pain.
This soreness I was feeling was like an old friend. It was a feeling I have really REALLY missed. That feeling of sore muscles after a good workout. Believe me when I say it is a totally different feeling than Pain. Especially the Pain I have been dealing with that interrupts daily life including sleep and work. Pain that causes a silent tear to run down my face. This was so different and so welcomed.
I never thought I would be that person but I am, I MISS WORKING OUT. I miss that feeling of sore muscles after a good workout. SO that was my JOY this week, feeling sore muscles. My body was sore but thankful to remember that my muscles do work and they will continue to work and help me to get stronger everyday.

Shout out to my PT, you know who you are... Thank You for being such a Rock Star. Thank you for being patient with me as I ask a million questions. Thank you for explaining things to me in a way I can understand without talking to me like I am a idiot (I hate when medical professionals do that)
Most of all, Than You for being a good person, a hilarious person, a kind person a Unicorn!
I am honored to know you and privileged to be able to work with you! THANKS

Perserverance

So I haven't written in a while and I realized that despite the success I have had in the last year the struggle remains. I also realized that when the struggle is at a peak I tend to withdraw , hence no entries to the blog. I will be working on that because when I withdraw it is not healthy for me and I believe for many of us when we withdraw is when we succumb to old behaviors and patterns. So moving forward I welcome inquiries from any of you if you don't hear from me or don't write for a while. I do know accountability helps me to break old habits including the one of withdrawing when the struggle is winning.
What is the struggle... everything... Life.




If there is anything I have learned on this journey it is weight issues are life issues.
Any addiction is a life issue. All of us have issues, wonder what your addiction is? Anyway...

Life is a Joy and Life is a struggle! We can't separate the two! Sometimes the struggles seem greater than the joys and other times the Joy wins over the struggle, so goes the dance.
So in May I had my year appointment after bariatric sleeve surgery. I got rave reviews and plenty of kudos for the 100 pounds I have loss. While the wonderful staff were all excited, inside I was unimpressed not because I did not feel successful but because the pain from my hip is winning over the joy of the success. This is a danger zone for me. I know my patterns after almost 14 years of this journey and when I start to see the joy being overshadowed by pain, be it physical or emotional (usually both because they are connected) I fall into bad patterns of depression and then comforting with food. SO again while I recognize my patterns and I can interrupt the patterns with different choices the struggle is still very real and alive.
To update, I had a cortisone shot about 8 or so months ago and it actually helped relieve a lot of the pain. It was not 100% but it was enough I was not in tears from pain on a daily basis, I was able to sleep longer than an hour or two at a time, so it was significant. Around the time I was coming up on my year after surgery it started to wear off. For a few weeks the pain began to grow and it was obvious the shot was wearing off. Long story so fast forward to result of it all, I still have no surgery date for the hip but I got another cortisone shot. It has not fully kicked in like the last one but it is better and hopefully getting better each day. My biggest frustration is while the shot helps it is not enough that I can start back with my exercise regimen. This is the hard part and actually if I am honest it scares me too.
This scares me because I know my body well enough now to know that at different stages of weight loss it get comfortable and stops working at its highest capacity, it plateaus. This is normal and expected and what i have learned that is when you change-up your diet or exercise to jump-start your metabolism or trick it, so to speak. However with a "sleeve stomach" I really can not change my diet much and with a bum hip I can not exercise much, not like I was before which was 3 to 5 times a week. So fearing the plateau is also real. What is one to do???

So the Struggle is real, yet I will persevere because it is what I do. I will fight to have the joy shine brighter than the struggle. I will continue to keep the struggle in its place but also acknowledge that the struggle is real because denying it is to fall back into patterns that I do not want to visit again.

There is so much more to add but I am going to stop here for now and just encourage anyone who has questions ro comment to feel free to do so. You can leave comments or questions as an anonymous person without having to sign up for blogger, but if you do please leave your name in the body of your comment so I know who you are.
Thanks again for all the support and encouragement.
Peace to all of you as you face your struggle, and never lose sight of the joy in you life, appreciate the little things, and hang in there.