PAIN.............. As I move along this journey I continue to learn all the time. I have recently learned that much of my experience with my weight journey is really no different from others journeys. Life lessons are life lessons no matter the vehicle (situation) from which we are learning the lessons.
I also believe Life will continue to give us situations to learn from until we "Get it".

SO first let me tell you that I am doing well as far as the Sleeve surgery is concerned. I have not had any problems. I survived the puree stage and am now in the soft food stage for the next few months and all is well. NO issues at all, other then readjusting my mind or more specifically my eye sight! LOL What I mean by that is there is a certain amount of adjusting to what is enough food and what looks like enough food! Anyway, it is working out and that is not what I want to talk about today.
I do have a follow up next week so I will give you more information and some numbers.

Today what is on my mind is pain. Physical pain. I know many people live with chronic pain. I do not know how people do it. I start to feel crazy, like I am losing my mind. I know I have talked about this before but having experienced a time with less pain and now moving back to that constant and unbearable pain it has me thinking. First of all those of you who know me well know I have a very high tolerance for pain and actually go through most days without ever speaking of or expressing anything regarding pain.  Many never know I am even in pain until they pay attention to how I move through the world.
Anyway, the last two days have been horrible. The constant pain on top of added pain making the pain totally unbearable has caused me to miss work and miss sleep and these things add up to me being a cranky  melancholy shell of myself.
I have talked about vulnerability in the past ,and yet here I sit again with this lesson before me still. This is a little different but alas the same. I am so resistant and flat out horrible at being vulnerable.
The last few days I have wanted to do nothing but lock the doors , shut the windows, turn off the phone and cry, yell and break things. One would think by now I would have learned to reach out to all the support I have and allow others to be supportive and encouraging, but stubborn as I am I don't. So I am writing about this because this is how I hold myself accountable while also reaching out. I also want others to know it is OK to be vulnerable, in fact it is the bravest thing you can do according to some. I know when I feel alone it is only my fault because I have some of the best support and love around me in the form of not only family and friends but also a awesome medical team.

SO ......... today I pick myself up and get back on the grateful train and I will speak with the medical professionals in my life and see what I can do about this pain until I am able to get the more permanent solution done. OH... If you are new to my blog, I should explain.... Short version, I have to have a Hip replacement and the physical pain I speak of is from my hip.
So thanks for stopping by and Please do not torture yourself and put yourself through the pain of feeling alone and frustrated out of fear of being vulnerable, reach out to those who love you and want to support you. Also there is a difference from being a complainer and needing  occasional extra support. That is another thing I do to myself... judge myself for having the pain and criticize myself IF I think about talking about my pain out loud! Sometimes I am ridiculous!

I am grateful and I will get through this like all things and hopefully I will learn this lesson so I can move on!
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THANKS