Hello again…….. So this year is off to a quick jump start ! Several new, exciting and also scary beginnings!
It has been a busy couple of weeks already, many appointments, momentary lapse into fear , quickly turned around to HOPE with some mental and emotional calisthenics.
So in order to get the surgical thumbs up there are all these appointments and test you have to complete. I have slowly been chipping away at these, leaving the “big” one for last, which is part of what the last couple weeks has been about! Let me start from the beginning of this list…… Please keep in mind I have never been good at taking test! So learning of this list was the first flash of fear.
It is also important to keep in mind, upon first meeting these professionals, none know anything of my journey thus far. They have their first “visual” impression , preconceived idea and a referral. Most professionals are caught off guard as the begin asking questions of me and gathering information because I do not really fit into any traditional group of patients they have seen. Not many go in with several years already under their belt and a large weight loss already completed despite how far I have to go. So it is always frustrating to start for me because I have to wade through the preconceived impressions and then explain and prove my history with photos and medical history. For whatever reason they do not just accept my word that I am a Medical Unicorn! COL
OK back to the appointments and test……
All that being said as I get the run down of the list I must attend to , slowly I start to regain my confidence.
First I must meet with a psychologist/Therapist, at least once, they tell me, depending on their recommendation after the initial meeting
(I think, I tend to hear about 50% when nervous/anxious) .
So I attend this appointment and after 5 minutes we are talking about our favorite protein bars and where to get them at the best price as if we have known each other for years. Approximately 20 minutes into the appointment she stops and catches herself saying…. “OH! There are some questions I am suppose to be asking you I guess we should do that!” and she laughs and we get back on track. By the end of it she wishes me well and tells me how excited she is about my journey as she is completely confident I am ready and able to tackle the journey that lies ahead. This was a nice affirming and pleasant appointment!
First appointment done, on to the next…………
Next……… the Nutritionist/Dietician.
So I show up for this appointment and again ….the same initial disbelief! She ask me some questions, I am able to intelligently, and correctly describe a healthy balanced diet, including facts, calories and reasoning behind everything. She starts to get a slight glazed look on her face quickly followed by a smile. She continues to ask me more questions , this time more personal and specific about what I have recently ate and types of things I eat in a typically week. I answer and she begins beam…. With a huge smile she says to me, “You know what you are doing, I am not sure what I can do for you? How can I best help you because you already know and get what I would normally work on with you!” . Little did she know simply her acknowledgement and support was the most important thing she could give me. We discussed a few more things and again I leave the appointment validated and excited as I check off another appointment .
Nest…………. Blood work
Blood test is one test I do not usually fear, once because I am healthy and two because I have good veins and it mostly goes very smoothly without any issues. Fasting the night before I show up to give some blood to be tested for probably everything , who knows, I am not worrying about it! As the phlebotomist begins she is happy to see my healthy easily accessible vein and she connects quickly and without issue. I begin to feel a little discomfort which I do not usually when giving blood, so I look and realize it is simply because she is one the fifth vial of blood and she is not done yet! Well I don’t think I have ever had more then 2 or 3 vials at a time taken so this was a lot! Regardless I make it through with nothing to report really other then some skin irritation where the tape was holding the cotton swab in place when she finished.
So…….. I am thinking…. So far , so good! All positive experiences thus far!
Next…………. The Cardiologist……..GULP! (insert some anxiety/fear)
Deep breath I tell myself in anticipation for this appointment. I get there the nurse doing the EKG (I think that is the test… heart monitor) is great, she was very kind and calm, which helps in calming me down. So I get hooked up and I try to focus on relaxing because I am sure my anxiety is going to affect my test. (FYI… the only time my blood pressure is even slightly high is when I am doing appointments with new medical professionals (obvious previous listed reasons) … I swear every other time… perfect)
The Doctor comes in , and the chill he brings with him, and he reviews my test and says he wants me to do more test….. Damn It!
I hate test! Relapse into fear and anxiety!
So he begins to , I think, explain the test he wants me to do and why……………
I hear this……… “2 days, nuclear, stress, Injections, heart flow, radioactive, no caffeine or medication 24 hrs prior, fasting, blah blah …….
Naturally the fear creeps back in………………….
ENTER Mental and Emotional calisthenics ! I begin to talk myself off the proverbial cliff . I remind myself that I in fact have a huge heart and it is the strongest muscle I have because I use it all the time!
Now I know those of you whom are logical and/or literal are thinking… “Um, that’s not how it works” ………… give me some credit, I get it... but as I am “coaching” myself to remain calm it helps me to remind myself I am OK no matter what. I also do believe it can in fact help us to be healthier if we act healthier…. Don’t forget I am a Medical Unicorn!
So I show up for day one of the test and let me preface this …. Those of you not living in Chico, The hospital over the past few years has completed been redone and I have not been there since any of these changes have happened……… only adding anxiety because I have no idea what to expect or where to go.
I arrive and end up making a few circles around the hospital because I can not find anywhere to park…… I see a sign for valet parking and know that I have no cash so now what…. I go to drive through not stop to have them park and the guy stops me. I ask him how this works… he says first of all it is free……. (internal voice says , see it will be ok, and Thank you) So I Thank him and head to my appointment….. Fast forward through approximately six more hospital staff, all of whom were very kind and helpful….. I mention this because each encounter helps to calm me down and lessen my fear.
I get inside and begin……… as I access my deep breathing and mental reminder that I am strong and healthy, I start the process with several staff who quickly become friends, asking me questions and interested and intrigued by my story…. Congratulation me on my success thus far and telling me how they are excited for me…… WOW ! I was so taken back by their encouragement and support I think I forgot why I was thee and for sure forgot I was ever anxious or afraid. YEAH KINDNESS! So I make it through several stages and three hours of procedures of day one of cardiac testing.
DAY TWO……… More of the same….. Fewer people involved and fewer test, so I am in and out in only two hours. I want to mention on this day something I may do another whole entry on later but just want to say….. There was a X-ray tech whom was hands down the kindest most respectful medical professional I have dealt with EVER…. Mainly because he Never once treated me differently or uncomfortably.
I will have to share more later, but it always shocks me how uncomfortable medical people are with fat people…..
Anyway……… this has been a week….. On top of all this, I have a few other personal things going on, some coming to a head after a few years and thankfully the end is in sight….Some cool new things too! I think I have earned a massage!
So You can see how this year has started off with a bang and thus I am extremely excited to see what else this year has in store.
It can only be good!
I am Hopeful
