Well Clearly I have managed to spend almost an entire year avoiding this “Stuff”! Where has time gone? All I know is I have had a interesting Roller Coaster year and it is not over yet, so the question before me is how will I handle it? How will I react? Will I throw in the towel?
So I have managed to dodge the accountability I was seeking in January, not sure how but I have……
What I “believe” I am experiencing is really a battle within myself, to be or not to be….. Vulnerable.
This seems to be a repeat theme in my life and as of late I am getting hit with this choice in nearly every aspect of my life not just my health. I think I have gone several rounds and won some but lost others, I think it is currently tied and I approach the last round where my choices, reactions, behaviors and feelings will either lead me to throw in the towel or get over myself and move forward. In my head I know there really is no choice here but in my heart, in my daily life it is not as clear cut…… Moments oh the moments!
So again I will put out there the permission as well as call to hold me accountable, but more directly not with just writing more often about this journey but also about my outlook, perspective and choices. Part of the reason I logically know there really is no choice is because of the love and support of my friends, I know at this point none of you would allow me to back slide so far I loose myself as much as I have previously, however it is those daily moments and those moments alone with my thoughts that the battle is much bigger then it needs to be.
So in the effort of truth, accountability, support, growth and more….. Let me be specific about some areas I am currently battling with…….Actually I think I will keep it simple as everything I would put on the list seems to come down to one issue, which is my discomfort with feeling vulnerable. It really knocks the wind out of me… I have felt vulnerable in my living situation, financial situation, work situation (really mostly the environment), health and wellness situation and personal (which is everything else I guess)
So in a word ……..
AAAHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
O.K. So there are my current thoughts…. Feedback, comments, concerns, jokes
Kath
Well Clearly I have managed to spend almost an entire year avoiding this “Stuff”! Where has time gone? All I know is I have had a interesting Roller Coaster year and it is not over yet, so the question before me is how will I handle it? How will I react? Will I throw in the towel?
So I have managed to dodge the accountability I was seeking in January, not sure how but I have……
What I “believe” I am experiencing is really a battle within myself, to be or not to be….. Vulnerable.
This seems to be a repeat theme in my life and as of late I am getting hit with this choice in nearly every aspect of my life not just my health. I think I have gone several rounds and won some but lost others, I think it is currently tied and I approach the last round where my choices, reactions, behaviors and feelings will either lead me to throw in the towel or get over myself and move forward. In my head I know there really is no choice here but in my heart, in my daily life it is not as clear cut…… Moments oh the moments!
So again I will put out there the permission as well as call to hold me accountable, but more directly not with just writing more often about this journey but also about my outlook, perspective and choices. Part of the reason I logically know there really is no choice is because of the love and support of my friends, I know at this point none of you would allow me to back slide so far I loose myself as much as I have previously, however it is those daily moments and those moments alone with my thoughts that the battle is much bigger then it needs to be.
So in the effort of truth, accountability, support, growth and more….. Let me be specific about some areas I am currently battling with…….Actually I think I will keep it simple as everything I would put on the list seems to come down to one issue, which is my discomfort with feeling vulnerable. It really knocks the wind out of me… I have felt vulnerable in my living situation, financial situation, work situation (really mostly the environment), health and wellness situation and personal (which is everything else I guess)
So in a word ……..
AAAHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
O.K. So there are my current thoughts…. Feedback, comments, concerns, jokes
Kath
